I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
