I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
