I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
