I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
