This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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