Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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