It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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