I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
