Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I don't think brook has ever known best
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
