i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
