I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
