I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
