Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
