it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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