The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
