Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
