You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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