I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
