I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
