i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
