So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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