I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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