Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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