we have officially lost it.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
