Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
