ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
