you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
