I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
