If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
