Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
