I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
