her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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