i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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