I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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