it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
