if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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