He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i used baking grease as lip gloss
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
