don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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