wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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