There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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