i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
