$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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