well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
