Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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