...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
