It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
