Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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