So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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