yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
