Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
the liver wants what the liver wants
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
