i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize