I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
