he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
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