So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
