listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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