You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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