I will die if light touches me.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
