i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
