i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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