Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
