so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
