and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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