Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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