Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
