Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize