I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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